Closure
by kikumarucat
Summary: Tezuka moved to Germany for good, but is longing for one special person. Oneshot TezuxSaku
1. Chapter 1

Closure

**A/N:** I will skip some lines of this song to fit it into the story.

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own POT or the song "Be Calm" by Fun.

_As I walk through the streets of my new city_

_My back feeling much better, I suppose_

Tezuka strolled through the streets of Germany. He had just gone to the rehabilitation center and his arm felt a little better.

_I always knew you'd be the one to understand me,_

_I guess that's why it took so long to get things right_

Tezuka thought of his secret crush back in Japan. God, crush. That sounds so childish, but it really was a crush. Unless he could say love, but he wasn't old enough to know about that yet. He was only 16.

She was so… everything. Everything he wants in a girl. She had big brown eyes, twin braids, and the most innocent look in the world.

_But suddenly I'm lost, on my street, on my block_

_Oh, why, oh, why_

Tezuka snapped out of his daze and looked around. Crap. In his stupor, he lost track of where he was going and now found himself in an alley. In a part of city he didn't recognize. "Oh, crap."

_Oh, why, haven't you been there for me_

_Can't you see- I'm losing my mind this time_

Tezuka's head spun and he crouched down onto the ground, hands covering his head. _No. _Ryuuzaki Sakuno. Screw what he said before. He loved her. He hated hated the control she had over him, not that she knew it. He hated that she took up most of his thoughts. But most of all, he hated the smashing wall of hurt that was put on him-by _her_- when she looked at Echizen was so sweet, so innocent, so _adoring_ that he _detested _it. It almost hurt more than when Atobe destroyed his arm. It was _killing_ him from the inside. He was going insane. _Why aren't you here for me, Sakuno?_

_This time, I think it's for real, I can see  
All the treetops turning red, the beggars near bodegas grin at me, I think they want something_

Tezuka looked up for half a second, then put his hands on his head again. He really was going mad. All the buildings were red. They aren't supposed to be red. At least he was sane enough to know that. He felt lucky. There were a bunch of dirty hobos grinning at him. Or, more at his pockets. _No._ His vision was going blurry He tried to suck in a breath- he couldn't breathe.

_I close my eyes and tell myself to breathe, and, be calm  
Be calm. _

Tezuka immediately shut his eyes. _Be calm_. He knew what was happening. He let out a long breath. He was having a panic attack. _Be calm_. Now. Breathe in slowly. In, out. In, out. Keep your eyes shut. _Be calm. _Breathing under control. Check. Now for eyes. _Be calm._ Slowly. Open your eyes. Open, open. Yes. Nothing bad is going to get you._ Be calm. _Don't worry. Everything's fine. _Be calm._

_I know you feel like you are breaking down.  
Oh, I know, it gets so hard sometimes. Be calm_

He felt like he was having a mental breakdown. It was really hard to not just scream. Scream, until he was satisfied. Scream, with no one caring about your reputation. Scream, and _let Sakuno hear it and come to his rescue._

_I'm scared that everyone is out to get me.  
These days before you speak to me you pause.  
I always see you looking out your window.  
After all, you lost your band, you left your mom._

Tezuka looked up again, carefully this time. No one was there. Good. People are dangerous. He hadnt talked to anyone except for his doctor for a while. And doctors don't count. The rest of the time, he was cooped up in his apartment that he bought when he decided to live in Germany for good, looking out the window, looking at out happy other people were. He briefly wondered how it felt like to fly. Then his mind turned to more depressing thoughts. _Seigaku_. He wondered how they were doing. With crushing pain, of course. He wondered how the team was. Oishi. Fuji. Inui. Kikumaru. Kawamura. Momoshiro. Kaidoh. And Echizen. He wondered what they would think. When he wouldn't come back for Nationals. When he wouldn't come back for a long time. When he wouldn't come back for graduation, and high school, and university. He wondered what they would think. They would ask his family. They would, after a while. His family would tell them. How he left for Germany, and even after his arm was good enough to play tennis again with some medication, he decided to stay there. And let his team down.

_Be calm.  
Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.  
You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive  
and everything's wrong  
It just gets so hard sometimes  
Be calm._

He inhaled and exhaled slowly a little, to prevent another breakdown from happening. It happened almost every day, and he still wasn't used to it. Sometimes, he despised the fact that he was still alive. He failed so much, yet here he was, living. It wasn't right. Tezuka thought back to a different time.

_I don't remember much that night,  
Just walking, thinking fondly of you  
Thinking how the worst is yet to come  
When from that street corner came a song_

He was walking on his second last night of being in Tokyo, enjoyin

g the hustle and scenery around him. He was leaving tomorrow in the afternoon, and would have to say goodbye to everyone. He thought fondly of Sakuno, and prepared himself for the subtle goodbye he would give her. He wished he could give her a proper farewell, but that would seem too out of character, and he did not want to freak her out. He walked along, now miserable, and heard a tune. He rounded the corner.

_And I can't remember the man,  
the panhandler or his melody.  
The words exchanged had far exceeded any change I'd given thee._

Back in the present time, Tezuka frowned a little. No matter how hard he tried, he could never remember who it was playing the tune. Nor could he remember the tune, or the instrument, or the words the man told him. It was sad, really. All he remembered was that after he gave some change to the street performer, the person told him some words. And after that, he had the most lighthearted feeling, in his head, and in his heart.

_Oh be calm, be calm.  
I know you feel like you are breaking down.  
Oh I know that it gets so hard sometimes,  
Be calm._

Tezuka looked up. It had started to snow. He sighed. He walked around a little longer, until he found a place he recognized. Then he started walking back to his apartment. He went into his building and unlocked the door to his space. Then he laid down on his bed. Tezuka stared up at the ceiling. He wanted to go back to that feeling. The feeling of lightheartedness he had when he talked to that street performer. He rolled over onto his side and stared out the window.

_Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.  
You hate your pulse because it still thinks you're alive  
and everything's wrong  
It just gets so hard sometimes  
Be calm, be calm._

_Sakuno._ He knew she loved the snow. He heard her talking excitedly to her friend in the hallway. He wished it was snowing in Japan too, for her sake, even though he knew it wasn't likely it was snowing at the same time as Germany. Why did he come to Germany again? It was first because of his arm; then what? It was because of selfishness. He wanted to become a pro tennis player so badly, and when his therapist gave him an opportunity, he decided to stay and train. He didn't tell any of his friends, either. When they called him, he was always vague and made up excuses to end calls quickly. The one time Sakuno called him, he wanted to stay on the line as long as possible, but she had to go because of Ryuuzaki-sensei needing her for something. He had never hated Ryuuzaki-sensei before as much as he did then.

He thought about his career. He would be strong enough to play tennis. He would go pro. He would go and beat other players. Maybe he would even get famous. He might go on TV. And one day, Sakuno might see him. The team might see him. Maybe they would be proud. Maybe they would be angry that he left them for pro. What would Sakuno think? Maybe she would fee like the rest of the team. But the thought of Sakuno seeing him, watching him play, was… enough. He rolled back onto his back. What was she doing now? He smiled. Maybe she was thinking about him.

**A/N: **I know, the ending was weird. I hope you liked it, though. I think I will do a prequel to this, and the whole story. Why don't you vote?


	2. Announcement For PrequelSequel

Announcement

Hey everyone,

Just to let you guys know, the prequel/sequel to Closure. Just go check my profile! It's under the name Maybe It's Not All Against Me. Hope you check it out and review!

Kikumarucat


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